So, I barely made it out of Manila… Due to a missed flight during the course of my trip, Malaysia Airlines had cancelled all my return flights. Kind of classic, but instead of having a hissy fit at the airport, I was just like: ‘You know what? I don’t give a damn anymore. I’ll just stay here for a few more weeks then’. After all, the check-in desk girl was way too sweet to have a go at her… In hindsight though, this was almost the tip of the iceberg in regards to a few mishaps that I ran into along the way, but more on that later.

This is my recap on some of the key events I experienced while being out in paradise. My first stop was Kuala Lumpur where I stayed for a few days in order to catch up with some mates. Then I would continue my journey to Manila and from there do a bit of Pagsanjan Falls, Puerto Galera and finally the absolute mind blast, Boracay, which you can read up on in Part 2 of this series.

It certainly was about time!

It’s been almost 5 years I haven’t breathed Asian air, so I was already sweating with Yellow Fever. Once I exited that big ass of a plane, the Airbus 380, I could literally smell the difference in the air. Finally, I was back again and couldn’t wait to hit the streets. Kuala Lumpur was more of a blur though, so don’t expect too many insights, as I was trying to pack everything I could into the few days I was there. Also my mates made sure to show me a good time and so they did. In fact, so good, that on my departure day I woke up five past ten in the morning. My flight to Manila was scheduled for 10:30. Damn, was I gutted! I was going to stay up for the night, but obviously I didn’t manage and just crashed out. Maybe it was due to the disappointment, hence the street restaurant where we had some early morning hangover food, packed me the wrong doggy bag! Instead of some more luscious Malaysian food I opened a bag of lemons.

Where’s my duck and noodles?! I couldn’t believe my eyes…

In fact I couldn’t wait to make it down to the Philippines. I would have had a full day to hang out, but missing my flight meant booking another one from a different airport and scheduled for the evening. So much for drinking until you cannot wake up in time. Then I felt like a real lemon myself. Apart from having dedicated most of my Kuala Lumpur days to beers and Flaming Lamborghini’s, the one thing that really annoyed me though, was the security concerns.

From machetes to smashed car windows and coma patients…

5 years ago I didn’t really think too much of the situations I managed to get myself into – a few of them you can read up on here. Maybe it’s an age thing and the fact, that I haven’t been in Asia for a while, but this time I was extra vigilant wherever I went, at least in Kuala Lumpur – it almost turned into paranoia. My mates’ stories certainly didn’t help the matter and they are locals after all. There was a story for each situation, either stuff that happened to them personally or friends of theirs: From muggings involving a smashed car window to people cowardly being hit in the back of the head, spending weeks in a coma – what the fuck… On my first night I was so off my head, I ended up wondering around the Jalan Pudu area, where my Hotel was located – not the greatest part of town. From what I’ve been told the day after, I was ridiculously lucky not having been mugged. To be honest, I didn’t see anything dodgy… Nevertheless, there wasn’t any place open anyway as bars and clubs in Kuala Lumpur shut their doors round 3 to 4 in the morning.

Welcome back to Beach Bar

If you’re after girls, one place you cannot miss is Beach Bar. It’s basically THE meeting point for the working late night girl. Stunners, stunners and more stunners, but you may have to pay a steep price. Some girls I spoke to were heavenly, but so were the prices. One Vietnamese wanted 600 Ringgit (approx. £110 / 190$ / 140€)! Yeah, I suppose you get the whole night, but that’s price distortion. You shouldn’t have to dish out more than 300 to 400 Ringgit. Considering that in Boracay you can get away with 2.000 Pesos (approx. £25 / 45$ / 30€), this is crazy! Anyway, I still managed to get myself a sweet girl for 300 Ringgit, if I remember right and we’re still in touch. Of course, I know and I get it… Yes, she already has a kid and when unpacked, her boobs ain’t as firm anymore as they appear in the picture, but to hell with it…

That is what happens when you give your number to a hostess. She will be sending you saucy pics in order to keep you on her back burner.

In the next part I will cover off my trip to the Philippines. A little less blur here and there. If you want the dirty stuff, keep checking for updates in our Dirty Yellow section.

So long, Frank W.