Who on holiday has managed to get into a situation, where at a certain point you weren’t too sure what’s going to happen next? Downright dodgy situations where by all means and advise you know you shouldn’t have drifted into. Yet curiosity or a sense of care freeness made you go for it anyway. If there was a section on yellowfeverhots.com called ‘Things you shouldn’t be doing when in Asia’ (or anywhere else really), this article would be one of them.

Nevertheless (and not trying to kill off the story), it all paned out alright in the end and therefore this night can be ticked off as having been insanely entertaining. Pricey though as you’re going to find out.

Well, first off, the day began on a touristy note and I made my way down ‘EDSA’ ring road with absolutely no destination in mind. Even though walking along a busy and equally filthy highway in sizzling hot conditions (and quite a few suspicious eyes on you) may not sound perfectly appealing, it still gave me a buzz. Remember the saying; a true Asiaphile doesn’t really mind where he is, as long as it’s in Asia. Little details such as merchants with massively loaded wooden trolleys and the odd hottie passing by made for a bizarre trip, especially when picturing the enormous skyline in the distance. It feels like two worlds, but wherever you are it’s buzzing. I must have spent a good four hours walking and sweating buckets, so I decided it was time for a beer. This turned out harder than expected, as I must have drifted off into a rather remote area of Manila. Not recommended, but I just didn’t really bother…

Anywhere you walk you’re at risk of a cardiac arrest.

He said: ‘You look like a Filipino’

Not that I felt unsafe in the area, but once I passed three suspicious looking dudes having a relaxed sit together, this changed a little. One of them got up to follow me down the road. I thought it’s bright daylight, he ain’t looking tough and from what I can see, there is no immediate backup, so I clenched my fists in my pockets preparing for worst case scenario. Still, this felt more weird than worrying though and soon he would start making first remarks. You know it, the weirdo ‘making you feel comfortable’ compliments such as ‘You look like a Filipino’, just because you’re wearing flip flops and khaki pants. Fair enough, but he ain’t sweating out of every pore like me.

I didn’t have to wait long for him to offer me some action and I naively thought, what should happen? Let’s see what he’s actually got to say. You guessed right, let me show you this club over here, let me introduce you to some nice dancers there, all legitimate of course. As it’s not hard to come by that type of entertainment anyway, the only real thing I thought he may come in useful was for him to tell me, where I can find a good place to have my beer. Said and done, but it’s not that he would get off me. The professionals they are he actually managed to somewhat grow on me, so I decided to have a few beers with my ‘newly acquired friend’. I’m not kidding you, but the place he took me to must have hosted one of the hottest bar maids ever, completely blew me away and yet it was a normal bar.

Let’s go VIP

In fact I didn’t feel so lost in this situation after all and would meet basic precautions such as drinking up my beer before paying the urinals a visit. Not that I’d end all drugged up with two girls, barely able to move. After this lengthy stay chatting over a few beers I decided to give in and submit to what they call ‘going VIP’. I remembered my mate mentioning the term, but still I had no idea what it actually meant. I thought it may stand for visiting an above average Strip Joint or something. It is now when I started getting myself caught up in a rather stupid flow of events, that could have turned out worst.

He called us a taxi and soon we would be on our way into Parañaque City. If I remember right, a more run down part of town. Almost suddenly darkness started setting in rather fast and after driving along dodgy looking roads and alleys for about 20 minutes or so, a first sense of reasoning and a few alarm bells started going off. I would send my mate the odd SMS describing the adventure. He just didn’t quite catch on, but once he realised the situation he’d also hint to get out of this episode. Believe it or not, but by then it was too awkward to bail out. Soon it was the moment to withdraw some cash in order to be able to finance the lavish outburst. Hell knows what was going on with that cash machine though. At first it didn’t want to cash out a single note and on second attempt with a lower sum it spat out a bunch of like thirty notes. Once we arrived at our destination I didn’t spot more than a dark garage and couple of guys swarming out. Ironically I thought that this is the moment I might get done up the ass – so much for going VIP. Suddenly a door inside the pitch black garage opened and a girl popped her head out saying: ‘Ahhh, pretty boy’. Not that this is self-promotion, but then I knew I was going to be safe, at least for the moment.

So that’s what going VIP means… You enter a dorm with a selection of stunning Filipina hotties waiting to be picked up for a ride. If you like, they give you an introductory presentation, but I thought, they are just perfect sitting down. Of course, you get bombarded with flirtatious remarks and if you had the dosh, you’d walk with all of them. As I wasn’t a 100% convinced by the actual ‘managers’ of this joint, I went for the safe option, and only picked one though.

Now run and get somewhere nice…

…that was my idea, but my ‘VIP referrer’ had other plans. First of all the super impatient twat of a pimp had to be paid and the dude who got me there in the first place even had to haggle down the price. Obviously the pimp saw the deal of the night unfolding. Back with the taxi driver, which by then had become our chauffeur service for the night, took us to our next destination, which was the nearest Strip Club. That was the last thing I needed now as they would most likely exploit you as well. Besides, I already had a stunner at my side. No idea why I didn’t stop it there and took off. Well, who knows where he would take me instead or maybe he just wanted to round off the night nicely. Needless to say, the bill was mounting and I got a little agitated realising that even the taxi driver wanted to get a slice of the cake. True, we’re only talking a few coins here, but for the Philippines, that fare would take you across town and back.

My VIP companion was the honest type

We went to the ‘Paradise’ Strip Club, which is in Quezon City district. It’s probably a whorehouse too, but I couldn’t be sure, as the place is just massive. So, there we sat, slightly awkward and watching semi professional strippers falling all over the stage. Good thing that my ‘VIP referrer’ had been absent for most of that part. But when he returned I just though ‘Dammit, him again… He must have completed his days work by now’. Next thing he would ask for was a tip. Anyways, after spending as much as what may represent a months salary for some Filipino I just wanted to get back to the Hotel and get my VIP companions’ worth out. That was obviously the greatest part of the night. Turns out that she was the honest type too, so she let me in on a few things she managed to find out during that night. For example, she would be asking around in the Strip Joint only to find out that they charged us over the top on a few accounts as well as she wished I hadn’t even picked her up in the first place. So that this is not misinterpreted; what she meant was that her pimp getting 80% of her duties’ fee obviously fucks her off. Also she didn’t like everyone taking the piss during the night. Brutally honest I guess, but it made for a great ending to this chaotic trip. And it’s got to be mentioned – even the Hotel staff were making big eyes when they saw her leaving the next morning…

Damn, I truly miss going VIP. However, next time I shall be doing that, it will be without the expensive foreplay. On that note, make sure to take care out there and don’t get lured into taxis and shit like that. It may be fine once or twice. You don’t want to imagine any other scenario.

Story by Frank W.